Sexuality, Labels and Self-Acceptance

I've been "out" to my close friends and some of my family from roughly the age of 13/14 when I was outed at school (that is a story for another time). I was never the most open person about my sexuality to anyone else, partially because of my anxiety over what other people's reactions would be and partially because of the fact that I generally didn't feel the need to be. However, recently I've started to reevaluate my sexuality, how I use labels and everything that comes with not being straight and it made me think how writing about my experiences and thoughts could educate/help maybe even one person.

When I came out to people in the past I generally just said I was Bisexual which isn't entirely true. I am romantically attracted to both genders, but I am only sexually attracted to a person I have a deep emotional bond with already. In label terms, this makes me a biromantic and demisexual.
Now written down this is easy to explain, but in person, this can take a while to explain to people as there are normally questions asked and a lot of judgement. This is the reason why I normally just used to identify myself as being Bisexual as it was easier for me and other people. Although there were always and still are all the annoying misjudgements, questions and biphobic remarks to get through.

One of these questions I was always asked is something that I've actually been thinking about more and more recently. "Which gender do you prefer?" Now when I first had the lightbulb go off in my head that maybe I wasn't just attracted romantically to the opposite gender I would have said I definitely felt more attraction for men than women. However, 5 years later I realised now that I am definitely more attracted to women. This was the moment that I had the epiphany that my sexuality is incredibly fluid and I don't want to have to fit it in a box anymore.

When I was younger and first realising my sexuality labels were my best friend, being able to have a word for what I was feeling/who I was made me feel less alone and more confident in myself. It gave me a sense of self and allowed me to express myself to others easier. Now I have grown up and become more confident in myself, I care less about what people think of me and care more about not restricting a part of myself. I no longer feel that I have to explain myself to people or label myself, I am who I am and I am attracted to who I want to be. My sexuality is fluid and I'm not going to try and force it into a box/label. I understand for some people they like to label themselves and that is great I used to be the same and as long as they're happy and comfortable in themselves that's the most important thing.

My hope In writing this Is that people will realise sexuality/labels and all that comes with it is an incredibly personal and special thing, No two people are the same in their attractions and their feelings. No one can tell you what to call yourself/who to be attracted to, Its down to you. If you identify with a sexuality differently to how someone else does then who cares as long as it makes you happy, and if you don't identify strongly with a sexuality either then it's fine don't worry. You be you and don't change for anyone. As long as you're comfortable and happy in yourself then that's all that matters.

The Misconceptions Of Bisexuality.

  In the past 5 years, we have seen the world slowly becoming more accepting of Gay Rights, there is still a long way to go before it is all perfect, but there has been a definite change for the better when it comes to the overall acceptance.

 However one of the main struggles with today's world is many people only see the ends of the spectrum when it comes to people's sexuality. Many people simply believe that people are either "Gay" or "Straight" and there is no in between. They believe everything is just black and white, but that is a far cry from what there really is. The spectrum of people's sexual orientations is vast with people identifying as, pansexual, aromantic, asexuality and polysexuality just to name a few. In this post, I will be focusing on one sexual orientation in particular: Bisexuality.

 I myself identify as being Bisexual and i am sick to death of the stereotypes and misconceptions of what being Bisexual means. The scientific explanation for Bisexuality is an individual who is sexually and/or romantically attracted to both genders. However, many people can not grasp this concept or they try to over complicate it. I am now going to try and clear up some of the main misconceptions when it comes to Bisexuality. Please do remember this is all my own opinion and some people may have different views and that is fine.

" Bisexuality is just a stepping stone to identifying as homosexual."

 In some cases, yes people do identify themselves as bisexual before eventually identifying as heterosexual or homosexual, but this is not always the case. For many people, they will spend their whole life identifying as Bisexual and this will never change. Also when bisexuals are in a long-term relationship with a partner of one gender it does not mean they stop liking the other gender. If you take this scenario with heterosexual couples a male in a long term relationship is not going to stop viewing other women attractive and same goes for the women with men. So therefore,why would bisexuals stop viewing both genders as attractive just because they're in a relationship with one of them!?

"Being Bisexual is greedy because they are attracted to everyone."

 No being bisexual does not make a person greedy. Just because we can be attracted to both genders does not mean that we're attracted to everyone in each gender. A heterosexual person is not attracted to every one of the opposite sex so why would a bisexual be attracted to everyone in each gender? Just because we don't care about the gender does not mean we don't have our types like everyone else.

"Bisexuals are more likely to cheat."

 This one is a load of rubbish. Being bisexual does not make a person less committed when in a long term relationship. Cheaters are cheaters and it has nothing to do with the sexuality they're.

"Which Gender do you prefer?"

Generally people identify themselves as bisexual because they have are attracted to both genders equally , but there are people who have a preference and they're as valid as people who don't. Also, there are many people who class themselves as Bi Curious as in they are attracted to one gender, but are curious about a sexual or romantic relationship to the other gender.

"Does seeing beauty in both genders make you Bisexual?/What makes you Bisexual?"

 Not necessarily. Many heterosexual people even if they count themselves as straight will see someone of the same gender as attractive. This does not always mean that they personally find them attractive it could just mean they can see why other people find them attractive. Women especially can look at other Women and see beauty in them. Seeing beauty and attraction in both genders does not mean you're bisexual. Generally being bisexual is someone who can see themselves in a sexual or romantic relationship with both genders and we all know seeing attractiveness in someone does not always mean you want any form of relationship with them. In my opinion, I do not think there is a set in stone answer to what makes you bisexual I think like with every other sexuality it is down to the individual person to figure out what and how they best identify with a certain sexual orientation.

I feel like I have tried to clear up most stereotypes and questions about Bisexuality and I hope I have done it well. Do remember that these are all my own opinions. Now finally to answer the most important question involving sexuality.

" I am unsure about my sexuality where can I go for advice/help?"

 Listed bellow are some of the best websites for people questioning their sexuality:

http://www.lgf.org.uk/
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/
http://www.llgs.org.uk/
http://www.pacehealth.org.uk/
http://www.stonewall.org.uk/